Thank you all so much for your kind words. They really helped soothe the pain I was feeling. Once again, the JWD people come through and I'm very grateful.
daniel-p: "insane and maniacally controlling mother" that we both have, I'm sorry you've had similar experience because that type of parent sucks big time.
momzcrazy: I'm sorry you missed your dad's wedding, the disfellowshipping practice forces us to ignore every natural feeling just to show obedience. I'm glad my dad is still in my life too.
Nathan: good one! Made me laugh pretty hard, I needed that.
everyone else: your comments mean the world to me. Thanks for the support and understanding. I'm now not so afraid of what will happen in the future, with me posting here.
mac n cheese
JoinedPosts by mac n cheese
-
18
The night my dad was disfellowshipped...I gave a talk, blah
by mac n cheese ini am trying to choose non-specific words in order to avoid being outed, but i suppose this story probably isn't that unique.
i was really close to my dad.
he'd smile when we pointed out any inconsistencies in people's behaviors, or noticed anything that didn't make sense.
-
-
mac n cheese
-
18
The night my dad was disfellowshipped...I gave a talk, blah
by mac n cheese ini am trying to choose non-specific words in order to avoid being outed, but i suppose this story probably isn't that unique.
i was really close to my dad.
he'd smile when we pointed out any inconsistencies in people's behaviors, or noticed anything that didn't make sense.
-
-
mac n cheese
I am trying to choose non-specific words in order to avoid being outed, but I suppose this story probably isn't that unique.
I was really close to my dad. He was always the one that made us think. He'd smile when we pointed out any inconsistencies in people's behaviors, or noticed anything that didn't make sense. Actually, my mom did too. The difference was when the things we kids noticed were about JWs and/or any publications. My dad would still smile and coax our reasoning from us, then be proud that we'd thought something through. My mother would go insane with rage. When my father was not around, she really liked beating me with a closed fist.
Needless to say, my parents had issues with each other. We were informed that my dad was getting disfellowshipped for adultery a few days before our meeting. We were devastated. My mother was righteously indignant, but obviously hurt. They were trying to patch things up. This time would prove to be a tortuous blur in my teenage years.
So we go to the meeting. They need a substitute speaker at the last minute. My mom grabs my arm, digs into me with her fingers and INSISTS that I take the talk, "to set a good example for Jehovah and the congregation." I'm completely numb, my life is completely in shambles, I could not respond to her. Somewhere, deep inside of me, a small flame begins to flicker - she is completely insane, and I now have proof. She keeps squeezing, hissing, "put your HAND up!"
I do the talk. Everyone tells me later how brave I am, what a spiritual person I am, and then my mother stands there and takes all the credit. The flame inside me gets bigger - EVERYONE is insane! They all KNEW how much I loved, adored, worshipped my dad. And now, he's just nothing? MY feelings don't matter? I was so young, and I remembered that those fists of hers would now be part of my weekly life since she was now the "head of the family" and apparently just waiting for the opportunity. ONE elder tells me later, "you didn't have to do that." He said it kindly, very concerned. I could barely manage a mumbled "thanks."
Here I am, just barely hanging on for the spouse to gather courage to leave and sometimes, this experience really hits me hard. An earlier thread on this board brought back this memory and I'm grateful that I now have an outlet, even if no one reads.
Epilogue - They got divorced. My dad is reinstated, but about as active as me, just more of a believer than I am. He's still wonderful and I'm so glad that I made a point of reaching out to him when I did. I love you, Dad. My mother has moved away. After reading on the internet (I LOVE THE INTERNET!), I've realized that she's a narcissist. I have removed her from my life and it has been so much better as a result. She's still a JW.
To my therapist - thanks for...just everything.
To my dad - it amazes me how you manage to avoid being bitter. I'll do my best to follow in your steps.
To the WT - Your policies made a very difficult time in our family absolute HELL. What should have been a family matter got played out, discussed, re-hashed in public and our remaining JW family was treated like crap.
To the wonderful people at JWD - thanks for reading, if you got this far.
Sorry for the long post. -
12
JW calls Dr. Laura's radio show yesterday
by mac n cheese inforgive me for the formatting.
i can never tell how its going to look in advance.
the call went like this:
-
-
mac n cheese
dogisgod - LOL! I spewed tea all over my keyboard. Thanks for the laugh! (but i have wondered that as well)
-
12
JW calls Dr. Laura's radio show yesterday
by mac n cheese inforgive me for the formatting.
i can never tell how its going to look in advance.
the call went like this:
-
-
mac n cheese
Gopher - thanks for the advice. I'm on a Mac so I think I'll go check out the technical section to see what I can do.
Changeling - I can't stand Dr. Laura either, but I turn there for a laugh when I can't find anything on NPR to listen to. -
12
JW calls Dr. Laura's radio show yesterday
by mac n cheese inforgive me for the formatting.
i can never tell how its going to look in advance.
the call went like this:
-
-
mac n cheese
Forgive me for the formatting. I can never tell how it’s going to look in advance. The call went like this: Caller: My family is not talking to me now, because I didn’t attend their Christmas parties. What should I do? Dr. Laura: And why didn’t you attend the parties? Caller: Because I’m one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Dr. Laura: Ah, well, they’re feeling left out. You won’t be celebrating birthdays or any other holidays with them. It’s obviously important to them and you need to understand that. It went on from there, with Dr. Laura being remarkably patient and understanding (NOT usually qualities I associate with her), and finally saying that when someone changes their religion, it causes great upheaval in the family and everyone just needs to cut each side some slack. I was very surprised that the caller seemed totally mystified as to why she would be “shunned” from her family, she said that she’s very grateful for her beliefs and didn’t know why they couldn’t see how much happier she was. I’m also surprised that she felt the need to call Dr. Laura, you would think her congregation would have given her props for the “persecution”. Maybe she’s new and thought she could have it both ways. Most of all, I’m struck by how offended she was at the “shunning” , since that’s what she’ll have to do with people who call themselves her brothers at some point. Sad.
-
23
To those still "active", what makes you keep going to meetings?
by Cindi_67 ini've been reading a lot of posts and a lot of you here on the board, are "active" members, attend all meetings and conventions, go out in field service, even help with quick builds.
i don't want this to sound like i am disrespecting anybody, but what makes you lead a double life?
doesn't anybody at the hall notice your lack of interest?
-
-
mac n cheese
My spouse does not want to leave (but spouse doesn't like meetings either). At this point, we are still doing the meeting thing to keep the parents happy. Sad and pathetic, I know. At this point, going to meetings is a lot less painful than dealing with the parents' reaction. It's complicated and I'm trying to figure out a way to un-complicate it.
-
59
2008 study WT will be confiscated from non-publishers
by mac n cheese inthe literature servant told me that their instructions are to only give one study wt per publisher starting with the january 1st, 2008 issue.
under no circumstances are they to provide any other copies (if lost or whatever, much like kms are provided now).
any guests attending the wt study will be provided a copy, but then the servant who gave them the copy must confiscate it after the meeting.
-
-
mac n cheese
I'm just repeating what was told to me, completely without me even asking about it. I think they're just over-excited about throwing their weight around. I really think it will go the way of the way the KMs are handed out like candy now. I was just really struck by how enthusiastically he was telling me. Weird.
-
59
2008 study WT will be confiscated from non-publishers
by mac n cheese inthe literature servant told me that their instructions are to only give one study wt per publisher starting with the january 1st, 2008 issue.
under no circumstances are they to provide any other copies (if lost or whatever, much like kms are provided now).
any guests attending the wt study will be provided a copy, but then the servant who gave them the copy must confiscate it after the meeting.
-
-
mac n cheese
The literature servant told me that their instructions are to only give one study WT per publisher starting with the January 1st, 2008 issue. Under no circumstances are they to provide any other copies (if lost or whatever, much like KMs are provided now). Any guests attending the WT study will be provided a copy, but then the servant who gave them the copy must confiscate it after the meeting. It's going to be interesting to see how this plays out in real life.
-
114
Greetings from a recovering mormon
by FormerMormon ingreetings from the other side of the street,.
i just loved having you guys proselytizing on the other side of the street when we were tracting.
i am a recovering mormon with a believing spouse / family.
-
-
mac n cheese
I started out on exmormon.org. The stories there were so eerily similar to my experience as a JW that I finally got the nerve to come over here. For me, it was just how you hope it goes with your wife. But I also kept quiet about what I read on exmormon,org, so I wouldn't cause trouble with my family, because they knew it was a slippery slope (internet research on religion equals BAD, APOSTATE). Best of luck with your wife, I am in the same boat with my spouse. I actually had that discussion with my spouse, asking that if they had been born a Muslim, Lutheran, Mormon or anything else, would they still stay that religion even after they discovered it wasn't the true religion? The response was "Yes, I guess so. Sad, isn't it?" There are small cracks in the armor, so patience is what you'll need most of all.
-
29
Tell Me About Your Jehovah's Witness Mother...If You had One!
by new boy inso since no one picked up the ball, after my thread on "your jw father".....here we go.... my mother (bless her heart) was born in kansas in 1926....her mother died in 1934, when my mother was 8 years old.
she died trying to give yourself an abortion with a coat hanger.
it was the "great depression".....she was 34 years old 4 kids and a 5th on the way...my grandfather would blow through town just long enough to "knock her up" and leave....no money....no hope.
-
-
mac n cheese
Manipulator sexual abuser mental abuser emotional abuser slandered my dad everywhere after he was disfellowshipped narcissist mercenary surrounds herself with "yes men" the elders believe every word she says destroyed my spouse's reputation with her lies and vindictiveness